Revised Learning Outcomes:
Introduction- I made my hook more engaging. In my rough draft, I jumped straight into the methods of scientific discourse. In the introduction, I changed it to start very broad and general. I tried to make my thesis stating that the IMRAD format and building tasks are meant to help you write a research paper and that observation is the key to scientific discovery.
Evidence and Explanation- I added more evidence to my paragraphs about Haas and Eliza, I wanted there to be two clear results of the experiment to show people Eliza grew as a student and as a person. I also tried to relate everything to a building task. Mentioning practices, connections, relationships, etc in each paragraph I wrote about. I added a quote that explains how abstracts work, as someone might be unfamiliar to them.
Reorganization- I did not really move around paragraphs, I mainly added to them to make them have more content.
New Paragraph- Yes this paper is much longer than my rough draft. I added a paragraph about results and discussion and asked questions like “what does it (your research paper) mean why it matters. I lengthened by methods and materials paragraph any adding quotes to help connect it to Nair and Nair. The Haas experiment was already a good length so I did not really change it a lot, I mostly just revised it a little here and there. I took out a lot of repeating words to keep the point of the message across.
